Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life;

John 5.39

Every few years or so, when I put my head on my pillow at night, I ask myself, “Where will I go if I die tonight in my sleep?”

“If I die tonight, do I know for sure where I will go?  Am I saved?”  I try to imagine that I do not know for sure.  I think about who I really am, as a sinner.  I face myself in all my sin.  The sin easy to see and the sins of my heart – are they gone?  Are they forgiven?

Then I ask myself again, “Am I really saved?”  “Do I know for sure?”

I let the fear of my guilty conscience run its course.  I wait for the hopelessness of ignorance to speak its mind: “Maybe I have missed something.”  “Maybe I have been mistaken.”  “Maybe what I thought was being saved is nothing more than a sincere desire, but maybe I am not saved.”  “What does the evidence show?  What does it point to?  What does it prove?”

“If I die in my sleep, where will I go?”

I must admit that times like this are very refreshing – though at first it may seem horrible.  Somewhere in my thinking I find the sweet comfort of the Holy Spirit: “The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:” and I find that I cannot go back to being unsaved.  That is why it is so refreshing.  Jesus said, “I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish,” John 10.28

When was the last time you laid your head on your pillow and asked yourself the question, “Where will I go if I die tonight in my sleep?”  Where would you go?  How do you know?  “Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life;”

Run with patience,

Pastor